The Abolition of Success

Let’s face it, success is overrated.
OK, now that I am at it: success (or rather the lack of it) poisons our lives, keeps us awake at night –sweating with anxiety– and it’s the number one reason for misery, sadness and depression. Success is elitist, exclusive, elusive, expensive… Ironically, it seems easy to those that achieve it, and for some even more ironic reason it looks easier yet, to those that don’t. But it is not! Success lures you to the blinding brightness like a lightbulb attracts a moth, just to keep you hitting the burning glass surface over and over, and over again, until your delicate tissue-thin wings are toasted and your god-given multi-lensed eyes are fritters.
Adding insult to injury, some people are succeeding at younger ages than ever. “Talent” they call it, “B.S.” I call it (either that, luck or independent wealth, sometimes all of them rolled into one), which not only makes me seem more of a failure, but also makes me look older, poor and unlucky.
What I find interesting is that I can’t really say I failed at anything yet. I’m not sure why, perhaps it is for lack of accomplishments. Who knows. On the contrary, I think I’m not bad at what I do, although, obviously not good enough.
No, my problem is that I know too many successful people, and I would bet my right pinky, if I could, that that’s your problem too! (can’t bet my left one either, because I already lost that finger sometime ago, but that’s another story). Thus, my/your/our problem is not really caused by any failure on our part, but by the indiscriminate success of the others. Like Einstein said once to his second wife-to-be Elsa*, “It’s all relative”.
But despair no more! I have been giving some thought to this important issue and I found the solution. A solution so simple and elegant that you wonder why successful people never came to think of it first.
Here it goes: when I get appointed “Generalissimo”, the first law I’ll sign into order will be to abolish success, a “decree”, I think it’s called in legalese. Easy! Isn’t? No more envy, no more disappointment, no more cutthroat competition. Once we are all surrounded by mediocrity, everybody will start looking better (or put it this way: nobody will look worst than anybody else), the humankind will be happier.
People then will appreciate my contribution to the betterment of life in this planet, and I would have finally succeeded at something, it will be my claim to fame. Of course, I would make no fuss about it.

(Elsa and Albert where first cousins on his mother’s side and second cousins on his father’s side)


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