(Notable Quarrels, &c.)
The kitchen at Gilbert & George’s house. Gilbert is looking out the window into the garden. George enters.
“Good morning Gilbert, what’s for breakfast?”
“I don’t know, to be perfectly honest, I don’t feel like eating much.”
“Oh, I see.”
“And what do you suppose to mean by that?”
“What do I mean by what, my dear?”
“Oh, I see.“
“Why, I mean absolutely nothing.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t. “
“Yes, you do.”
“Alright! Alright! I SEE… that you’re still upset about last night.”
“And I SEE that you woke up rather unusually bitchy this morning.”
“I did, as a matter of fact.”
“Do you feel any better now?”
“I’m starting to, actually, thank you.”
“Jolly good, then, jolly good, because now it’s me who… doesn’t! You see? you made me…” George starts sobbing, leaning over the kitchen table.
“I’m sorry, it’s just that when you drink a little too much, and as lately it happens more than not, you start to break character, and we are Gilbert & George. That’s who we are. Just look around us, all that we have, that’s our job, our life!
“Do you think I did it on purpose?”
“I know you didn’t, silly.”
“But you agree that sometimes it gets tiresome to reckon with being Gilbert & George all the bloody time! Doing the stupid robot dance…”
“I understand –it’s the automaton dance– but please don’t cry. I forgive you about last night. Look, I even forgot already what all the fuss was about. Listen, why don’t you let me make you a couple of eggs with your favorite sausage, hash-browns, grilled tomatoes, beans with molasses, white toast and a nice and warm cuppa, alright?” George nods.
“Alright.” They kiss tenderly.
“Look at yourself, your nose gets so rosy when you cry… I love this pinky little nose. Who does this itty-bitty peach belongs too?”
With a smile still framed by tears, George answers: “To… Gilbert?”
“That’s right, and it breaks my heart to see my little Georgie glum. Here, take my hankie. There, that’s better, a little smile, chins up.”
“Thank’s, Gil.” George gets up from the chair and Gilbert spanks him graciously in the bum.
“Now you go upstairs, get off your pijamas, take a bath, dress up, and today you can even pick our ties! meanwhile Gilbert makes us a wonderful breakfast. Alright?”
“I hate ties.”
“I know, I know, deary, but it sure does beat a job from nine to five.”